OMGG

Halle Berry’s ex-husband Gabriel Aubry withdrew his lawsuit against Olivier Martinez today, admitting Walmart is responsible for his black eye.

The male model had been claiming that Berry’s current fiance beat him up while he was dropping his daughter off at his ex’s home, but now concedes his facial injuries are the result of Black Friday chaos.

“I noticed an Iron Man 2 dvd for $4, which is a really good deal,” Aubry explained. “Unfortunately, a young Latino woman spotted it at the same time.”

Despite the lacerations to his once-flawless face, the 36-year old says camping out for three days in front of the world’s largest retailer was well worth it.

“I scored a couple packs of lightbulbs for under a dollar and a $30 T-Mobile smartphone,” Aubry told OMGG.com. “Looks fade, but these savings are something I’ll cherish forever!”

Gary Bettmen, embroiled in his third lockout since being named NHL commissioner in 1993, has shifted his focus towards brokering peace in the Middle East.

“People are calling me ‘the worst negotiator of all-time’,” the 60-year old told OMGG.com. “I bet I’ll prove my doubters wrong when I get the Israelis and Palestinians to stop fighting.”

Sadly, within 12 minutes of Bettman’s arrival in Jerusalem yesterday, gunfire broke out near the Gaza Strip border, breaching a two-day-old cease-fire.

“If you ask me, Gary is doing a fantastic job,” said NFL commissioner Roger Goodell. “He’s the only man in professional sports that makes me look reasonably competent!”

Matthew McConaughey has dropped a reported 50 pounds to play an AIDS patient in his latest film, The Dallas Buyer’s Club.

Some say the 43-year-old method actor was a little too committed to the role.

“He moved to Haiti, where he attempted to contract HIV from a Capuchin monkey,” director Stewart Dallion told OMGG.com. “He said he preferred that to eating fewer calories.”

Sadly, McConaughey was unable to contract the disease.

“In the end, I resorted to losing weight the tried-and-true Hollywood way,” the Magic Mike star said. “By sticking my finger down my throat and binging on meth.”