OMGG

After holding his own in the first debate against President Obama, Mitt Romney is getting cocky.

“At this point, I can’t imagine a scenario in which I’ll lose,” the former governor of Massachusetts told OMGG.com. “On October 16th, I could take a dump on the podium and still win over undecided voters.”

The 65-year old is so confident, he announced plans to attend the Hofstra University town hall without pants on.

“He’s brash, ignorant and his policies set women back 50 years,” said MSNBC’s Rachel Maddow. “That being said, he’s earned my vote with overwhelming sex appeal.”

After Mitt Romney announced that he’d stop the subsidy to PBS if elected, Big Bird faced the cold reality that she might need to come up with a new way to make a living.

“In this economy, there are very few options,” said the 8-foot tall Sesame Street legend. “I’ll probably have to go back to hooking, eventually.”

The yellow, single mother told OMGG.com she’d rather whore herself than allow her children to move back in with her ex-husband, Oscar.

“He’s a terrible role model for our kids,” said Big Bird. “That grouchy deadbeat just sits around in a trash can all day.”

Miguel Cabrera recently became the 15th player to win baseball’s Triple Crown, but admits he’s never really been a fan of team sports.

“His dream has always been to win the triple crown…of horse racing,” said Cabrera’s father, Manuel. “Growing up in Venezuela, he used to pin a tail on himself and race through the streets, pretending he was running the Kentucky Derby.”

Sadly, Cabrera wasn’t allowed to follow his passion because he was born human; and at 6’4″ and 240 pounds, he’s even too large to be a jockey.

“Don’t get me wrong, it’s nice to be compared with Mickey Mantle and Ted Williams,” the Detroit Tigers slugger told OMGG.com. “But one day I’d like to be mentioned in the same breath as Secretariat and Seattle Slew.”