OMGG

Halle Berry’s ex-husband Gabriel Aubry withdrew his lawsuit against Olivier Martinez today, admitting Walmart is responsible for his black eye.

The male model had been claiming that Berry’s current fiance beat him up while he was dropping his daughter off at his ex’s home, but now concedes his facial injuries are the result of Black Friday chaos.

“I noticed an Iron Man 2 dvd for $4, which is a really good deal,” Aubry explained. “Unfortunately, a young Latino woman spotted it at the same time.”

Despite the lacerations to his once-flawless face, the 36-year old says camping out for three days in front of the world’s largest retailer was well worth it.

“I scored a couple packs of lightbulbs for under a dollar and a $30 T-Mobile smartphone,” Aubry told OMGG.com. “Looks fade, but these savings are something I’ll cherish forever!”

Matthew McConaughey has dropped a reported 50 pounds to play an AIDS patient in his latest film, The Dallas Buyer’s Club.

Some say the 43-year-old method actor was a little too committed to the role.

“He moved to Haiti, where he attempted to contract HIV from a Capuchin monkey,” director Stewart Dallion told OMGG.com. “He said he preferred that to eating fewer calories.”

Sadly, McConaughey was unable to contract the disease.

“In the end, I resorted to losing weight the tried-and-true Hollywood way,” the Magic Mike star said. “By sticking my finger down my throat and binging on meth.”

Last night, OMGG.com paparazzi spotted David Petraeus dining with Kristen Stewart at Hollywood hot spot Katsuya.

The former CIA Director, whose inappropriate relationship with a younger woman led to his recent resignation, told us he’s smitten with the 22-year old Twilight star.

Stewart, who was caught cheating on boyfriend Robert Pattinson last month with a director who’s twice her age, says the feeling is definitely mutual.

UPDATE (8:42am): General Petraeus confirmed via twitter this morning that the two are, in fact, an item: @therealpetraeus: been crushin on K-Stew 4eva, dreamz cum true y’all!!!

Channing Tatum was named People magazine’s ‘Sexiest Man Alive’ this week, and he couldn’t be more excited.

“This is the pinnacle, it’s the reason I got into acting,” the Magic Mike star told OMGG.com. “I basically just won the Oscar for attractive people!”

Unfortunately, not everyone shares Tatum’s joy. Actor Robert Pattinson called his third place finish in this year’s voting a disgrace.

“Not putting me on the cover is perhaps the greatest injustice since World War Two,” an angry R-Patz tweeted this morning. “I will remain on a hunger strike until People agrees to a recount.”

On Monday, Elmo puppeteer Kevin Clash was accused of an inappropriate relationship with an underage teen.

The 52-year old told authorities the Sesame Street character is to blame for the sex scandal, not him personally.

“When Elmo became a top-selling Tyco toy, he was forced into the arms of children everywhere,” Clash told OMGG.com. “It was just a matter of time before he snapped and started tickling them back.”

The red Muppet is currently in a holding cell in Los Angeles, awaiting trial.