OMGG

Officials decided late Friday afternoon to cancel the New York City Marathon, but that didn’t slow down Kenyan distance runner Geoffrey Mughai.

The 29-year old easily glided to victory in 2 hours and 21 minutes, delighting spectators who watched from nearby canoes.

“I can’t believe the locals are complaining about wet conditions,” Mughai told OMGG.com. “I much prefer this to the drought affecting my country.”

Fellow Kenyan Isaiah Muncarp finished second, while American Olympic hero Michael Phelps shocked the world by swimming his way to the bronze.

Once upon a time, in a galaxy far far away, Star Wars wasn’t owned by a corporate juggernaut.

But earlier this week, Disney bought Lucasfilm for $4 billion, adding the legendary film franchise to its stable of business entities.

“We plan on releasing a family-friendly Episode VII in 2015,” Disney executive Christian Tipple announced this morning. “Parents will be relieved to learn that the once-scary Darth Vader will now be played by Mickey Mouse.”

Lucasfilm founder George Lucas told OMGG.com the financial windfall means he can finally retire.

“I just paid off my car loan early, which felt great,” Lucas said. “My next major investment will be hiring a personal trainer for my neck.”

Last week, Michael Lohan filed a motion to place his troubled daughter under a conservatorship.

A judge ruled that while he agreed Lindsay is unable to care for herself, he wasn’t ready to put her father in charge of the 26-year old’s finances.

Mr. Lohan was passed over for someone the court deemed more mentally fit.

“I opted to put a child star in charge of Lindsay’s assets because I felt they’d be able to relate to one another,” explained the Honorable Judge Peter Gallagher. “I went with Honey Boo Boo, because one look at her and it’s clear she’s not interested in any of the wasteful, lavish spending that got Lindsay into trouble in the first place.”

Justin Timberlake and Jessica Biel got married in southern Italy, and rumors are swirling that the newlyweds are seeking $5 million for rights to the official photos.

Luckily, OMGG.com photoshoppers were able to find a loophole to avoid that ridiculous fee.

“It took nearly an hour, but we worked out a way to deliver an authentic ok pic,” explained head editor Ricky Otto. “It’s the kind of dedication to our fans that those punks at People magazine rarely deliver.”

On October 23rd, Apple announced it will unveil a smaller, cheaper version of its popular iPad.

OMGG.com investigators recently discovered that such a device actually already exists, and it’s called an iPhone.

We reached out to the California-based company, who admitted they were hoping to “pull a fast one” on their over-zealous followers.

“Truth is, we produced way too many of the iPhone 3Gs a couple years ago,” said CEO Tim Cook. “We figured this would be a good way to unload some inventory.”

Despite Cook’s admission, Apple fanboy Tony Coolures is already waiting in line for the iPad Mini.

“I’m definitely bummed that there’s nothing innovative about it,” the 32-year old told us. “But for some reason, I must be the first person on my block to have one.”