OMGG

When Matthew Perry first saw the trailer for his new NBC sitcom Go On, he was horrified.

“I had that same smug look on my face I had during my 10-year run as Chandler Bing,” the actor told OMGG.com. “No wonder I’m always typecast as a self-loathing, sarcastic dickhead.”

This morning, the 43-year old underwent facial reconstructive surgery to correct the glaring defect.

“He came in here with such a cocky smirk on his face, I nearly didn’t go through with the procedure,” plastic surgeon Dr. Harold Rosen told reporters. “He’s recovering nicely, though, and moments ago was even able to smile for the first time!”

Former Penn State football coach Jerry Sandusky was sentenced to 30 years in prison this morning after being convicted on 45 counts of child sex abuse.

But despite reports, not all of his victims were children.

“Jerry’s constant fondling is what led to my drinking problem,” said Ted, star of the self-titled film available on DVD and Blu-ray December 11. “He used to bring me in the bath with him and use me as a loofah.”

The real-life teddy bear told OMGG.com he eventually decided to undergo a painful surgical procedure to end the abuse.

“I had a friend stitch up the hole underneath my tail,” admitted Ted. “I was getting sick and tired of being a ‘stuffed‘ animal, if you know what I mean.”

After Mitt Romney announced that he’d stop the subsidy to PBS if elected, Big Bird faced the cold reality that she might need to come up with a new way to make a living.

“In this economy, there are very few options,” said the 8-foot tall Sesame Street legend. “I’ll probably have to go back to hooking, eventually.”

The yellow, single mother told OMGG.com she’d rather whore herself than allow her children to move back in with her ex-husband, Oscar.

“He’s a terrible role model for our kids,” said Big Bird. “That grouchy deadbeat just sits around in a trash can all day.”

Whatcha gonna do, when Hulkamania cums inside you?

According to sources, a Hulk Hogan sex tape is currently being shopped around to the highest bidder.

OMGG.com has obtained a copy, which features grainy footage of the balding 58-year old getting “tag-teamed” by what appears to be an aging Macho Man Randy Savage/Iron Sheik combo.

The Hulkster confirmed that while it is him in the tape, he doesn’t think he did anything wrong.

“In wrestling, it’s common practice to grease each other up and practice before a big match,” he explained. “And Speedos have always been optional, brother!”

The list of actresses who have played “Bond Girls” are some of the most stunning in the world: Ursula Andress, Teri Hatcher, Jane Seymour and…Honey Boo Boo?

In Skyfall, the soon-to-be released 007 film, director Sam Mendes said he wanted this year’s female lead to be more than just a pretty face.

“We needed someone whose energy level was on par with Daniel Craig’s, so we brought Boo Boo in for an audition,” said the Oscar winner. “The chemistry between those two was electric.”

The hotly-anticipated film is set to hit theaters November 9th.

“People is saying she’s too young to be a Bond girl, but that don’t make no sense,” said Honey Boo Boo’s mother, June Shannon. “My baby is one of the most mature seven year olds in all of Wilkinson County!”