OMGG

Milwaukee Brewers left fielder Ryan Braun was named the NL MVP today, causing riots to break out across Los Angeles.

“Matt Kemp almost won the triple crown, it’s a travesty that he didn’t win the award,” explained Beverly Hills resident Karen Pocrass. “I am going to break a ton of sh*t until I feel better.”

The humble Braun agreed with angry Dodgers fans.

“Kemp topped me in every statistical category imaginable,” the 2007 NL Rookie of the Year told OMGG.com. “Out of respect for him, I’m going to fly to LA this evening and smash everything in sight.”

Justin Verlander was named the American League MVP today, six days after taking home the AL Cy Young Award. It’s the first time a starting pitcher has won both awards in a quarter century.

But Verlander told OMGG.com he isn’t satisfied.

The 28-year-old righty, who posted a dominant 24-5 record with 250 strikeouts and a 2.40 ERA for the American League Central champion Tigers, says he deserved more recognition for his record-breaking season.

“I think I’ve proven I’m the greatest athlete of this generation,” tweeted the formerly-humble pitcher. “After the year I just had, I probably should’ve been named ‘AL Manager of the Year’, or at the very least taken home an Emmy.”

With the world in crisis, God knew there was only one man he could turn to.

“I need some time off,” the Lord announced via twitter. “Please direct all future prayers to Tim Tebow.”

The ultra-religious quarterback, whose latest come-from-behind win was called “a miracle” by wide receiver Eric Decker, feels he’s ready to take the reigns from The Almighty.

“Saving the world from the apocalypse shouldn’t be too hard,” the Heisman Trophy winner told OMGG.com. “Keep in mind that I’ve just led the Broncos to three straight wins.”

There’s only one way to make former Penn State Assistant Coach Jerry Sandusky look like more of a pedophile…give him a lip tickler.

Happy Movember, everyone!

The only person more upset than Matt Schaub to learn about his season-ending foot injury was his backup quarterback, Matt Leinart.

“I purposely signed with the Texans knowing I wouldn’t have to play,” said Leinart, who didn’t take a single snap in 2010.

The former Heisman Trophy winner has been a huge bust since being drafted by Arizona, where he spent four interception-filled seasons before being released. Houston signed him to a minimum-salary contract the following year to back up the durable Schaub.

“The Houston Texans had no other choice but to name me the starter for the rest of the season,” Leinart tearfully announced at a press conference in Glendale, Arizona today. “Instead of embarrassing myself any further, I’ve decided to retire, effective immediately.”