OMGG

Well, they gave it a shot.

This afternoon, homosexuals marched on Capitol Hill en masse to protest a bill that legalized gay marriage in New York just one month ago.

“Everyone makes mistakes,” explained Brooklyn-born Stuart Tang. “After marrying my partner Daniel this weekend, he’s already put on weight and has begun leaving the toilet seat up.”

New Yorkers aren’t the only ones unhappy.

Gay Californians have expressed their desire to pass Prop 9 in the November elections, which proposes a ban on “opposite marriage.”

David Blaine announced that in May 2012 he’ll debut a brand new street magic show. The illusionist says his greatest feat will be convincing people to care.

Blaine was last heard from in 2008, when he promised to hang by his ankles above Central Park for 60 hours. He was widely criticized when, only hours into the endurance challenge, he was seen standing on a crane platform.

The magician insists he’s willing to do whatever it takes to win back the general public, even if it means hypnotizing them.

“My favorite Blaine stunt by far was when he made himself disappear for a few years,” said Megan Kneipp, a law student from Midland, Texas. “Why’d he have to come back?”

Captain America: The First Avenger director Joe Johnston let out a shocking secret this morning.

“In researching the film, I discovered that Steve Rogers, the soldier pumped full of serum who became Captain America, was actually born in Toronto,” said Johnston.

Stephen Harper, the Prime Minister of Canada, called a press conference this afternoon to express his joy. “This is a great day to be a Canuck!” he exclaimed. “Bear in mind that until this announcement, Celine Dion was sadly our country’s biggest star.”

Reactions haven’t been as positive stateside.

Upon hearing the news, country singer Toby Keith revealed that next week he’ll be releasing a new song, My Only Heroes are U, S and A. He went on to express his desire to “stick my boot up Captain America’s ass.”