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December 5, 2011

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All Britney Spears Wants for Her 30th Birthday: Federline

All Britney Spears Wants for Her 30th Birthday: Federline

At 30-years old, Britney Spears seems to have it all. She’s as beautiful as ever, her Femme Fatale Tour is selling out worldwide and her two sons are happy and healthy. But the pop star says something is missing from her life.

“I really miss Kevin (Federline),” Spears told OMGG.com. “I’ve never been with anyone so dependent on me, both emotionally and financially.”

We caught up with K-Fed, who told us he just wants to be left alone…but Brit isn’t ready to give up on the big guy.

“I’ve dated everyone from Justin Timberlake to Colin Farrell,” explained the former Mickey Mouse Club star. “But it’s like my mama always said, ‘Once you go fat, you never go back’.”

December 2, 2011

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Stars Without Makeup: Gwyneth Paltrow

Stars Without Makeup: Gwyneth Paltrow

After photos of Khloe Kardashian without makeup exposed just how appalling the reality star truly is this week, our fans began clamoring for pics of other celebs sans war paint.

We’re happy to oblige, starting with renowned beauty Gwyneth Paltrow.

OMGG.com photographers recently spotted the actress at a Walmart ‘Black Friday’ sale, looking less than lovely without her caked-on concealer.

“Chris (Martin) told me that Gwyneth only tarts herself up for red carpets nowadays,” said Coldplay drummer Will Champion. “Why else do you think we’d tour so much?”

December 2, 2011

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Delusional Eagles Still Consider Themselves “Dream Team”

Delusional Eagles Still Consider Themselves

After last night’s lopsided loss to the lowly Seattle Seahawks, the preseason favorite Philadelphia Eagles’ record now stands at a pathetic 4-8.

“People say we’re underachieving, but all the haters out there are just motivating us,” said Philly running back LeSean McCoy. “I bet people stop talking trash when we win the Super Bowl in February.”

The Eagles began the year especially confident after signing a plethora of free agents this offseason, including superstar cornerback Nnamdi Asomugha, defensive lineman Jason Babin and backup quarterback Vince Young.

“It’s true that mathematically we’ve been eliminated from the postseason,” Eagles Head Coach Andy Reid told OMGG.com. “Luckily, the game is played on the football field, not some math class.”

December 1, 2011

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Hanson’s New Venture: MMMBeer

Hanson's New Venture: MMMBeer

Out-of-touch and overweight, the Hanson brothers are finally retiring from the boy band business.

“We realized we couldn’t keep up with Bieber or the Jonas’ anymore,” explained Zac, the once adorable drummer. “So we’re trading in our lyrics for lager.”

The former tween heartthrobs announced yesterday that they have decided to start brewing their own beer — cleverly named MMMhop IPA.

“I haven’t been sober since our popularity nosedived 10 years ago,” said Isaac, the oldest, creepiest-looking member of the former band. “It’s only fitting that we’re turning my one true talent into a career.”

December 1, 2011

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Kourtney Kardashian Unsure How She Got Pregnant

Kourtney Kardashian Pregnant

Renowned idiot Kourtney Kardashian is sporting a baby bump again.

“Last time I got pregnant, a little kid came out of my vagina!” the 32-year old exclaimed yesterday. “I’m really hoping that doesn’t happen this time.”

Kardashian, who told OMGG.com she plans to “drink a lot and hope for the best” over the next nine months, is turning to her fans to learn more about how childbirth works.

“Kim tried to explain it to me, but I wasn’t getting it,” admitted Kardashian. “She lost me right before all the stork delivery stuff.”