OMGG

U.S. researchers recently stumbled upon a compound that may finally lead to a birth control pill for men.

“Terrell Owens and I are hoping the same scientists invent a time machine next,” said Antonio Cromartie, the New York Jets cornerback with 12 kids. “Can you imagine how much simpler life would be for the two of us if this pill were around when we were rookies?”

As the only virgin in professional sports, quarterback Tim Tebow says he could care less about the ability to become infertile.

“Sex is gross, and you should only have to have it if you’re married, anyway,” the backup quarterback told OMGG.com. “There’s a reason I’m known as the king of the interception, not contraception!”

When Kobe Bryant proclaimed that this year’s Olympic basketball squad would beat the fabled 1992 Dream Team, Michael Jordan admits he was shocked at first.

“I thought to myself, ‘We had 11 Hall of Famers on our team, including some of the NBA’s all-time greats’,” His Airness told OMGG.com. “But after watching the likes of Tyson Chandler and James Harden dominate Lithuania by five, I realized Kobe was on to something.”

While the 1992 squad defeated its opponents in Barcelona by an average of 44 points, they never proved they could overcome adversity by churning out gritty, seven-point victories like the 2012 team did in the London gold medal game.

“We had some fine players in Magic Johnson, Larry Bird and Karl Malone,” said Dream Team member Charles Barkley. “But nothing strikes fear into an opponent like hearing he’ll be going head-to-head against the legendary Andre Iguodala.”

Michael Phelps isn’t the only American winning in London this summer.

Charlie Sheen allegedly put his show Anger Management on hiatus this week after reading the OMGG.com article about all the gratuitous sex taking place in the Olympic Village.

But according to reports, Sheen plans to leave London with more than just Lolo Jones’ virginity.

“I’d like to assure all the doubters that I’m here to compete,” said the 46-year old actor. “In fact, I’ll be shocked if I don’t bring home this year’s gold medal in Synchronized F#cking!”

During the Olympic Opening Ceremony, a random woman in jeans and a red jacket caused a stir by marching alongside flag bearer Sushil Kumar and 40 Indian athletes.

The young lady was later identified as Madhura Nagendra, a grad student from Bangalore who decided to join the festivities on a whim.

The gatecrasher, who was also spotted singing live on stage with Paul McCartney on Friday, told OMGG.com that she almost didn’t come to London for the Summer Games because there weren’t any hotels with vacancies.

“Luckily, everything worked itself out,” said Nagendra. “Security has been so lackadaisical, I just slept at Buckingham Palace last night.”

The Dutch field hockey team’s victory over Latvia recently received the highest tv ratings in the history of the Olympic games.

“People like tuning in to watch us beat uglys,” explained midfielder/Victoria’s Secret model Miranda Kerr. “We’re a very intimidating group.”

The team has been so popular, in fact, that Olympic Association chairman Jason Webski promises to hand out all future medals based on looks.

“Trust me, that freak show Michael Phelps won’t win gold in London,” said Webski. “He’s got a decent body, but his teeth are worse than most of the Brits watching him swim.”