OMGG

Rick Santorum has decided to suspend his presidential run so that he can focus on his hobbies, including rock climbing, scrapbooking and performing late-term abortions.

The 53-year old career politician told OMGG.com he’s tired of the stresses of public service and just wants to enjoy life.

Right-wing supporters were reportedly outraged to learn that the former Senator changed his stance and now feels a woman should have the right to choose what she does with her own body.

“You should see the lunatics protesting outside my clinic today,” said Santorum. “Imagine how upset they’re going to be when they find out I’ve converted to Judaism!”

Rick Santorum has taken his fight with the porn industry to a new level.

“I think we can all agree that sex is disgusting,” said the former Pennsylvania Senator. “If it weren’t for procreation, I’d outlaw intercourse altogether.”

As part of Santorum’s new Anti-Masturbation Initiative, the GOP candidate released topless photos of Nadya “Octomom” Suleman yesterday, sickening men and women across the nation.

“I decided to help Rick out because he’s been my biggest supporter,” Suleman told OMGG.com. “When everyone else told me I was unfit to be a mother, he was so proud of me for not using contraception.”

Mitt Romney’s senior adviser recently said that if his candidate wins the Republican nomination, his campaign would be “like an Etch A Sketch — shake it up and start all over again.”

Romney’s GOP rivals used the comment as ammunition to attack the former Massachusetts governor over his flip-flopping on issues like health care and abortion.

Newt Gingrich even posed with an Etch A Sketch to mock his opponent, but quickly became distracted after picking up the toy.

“He’s now considering dropping out of the race to become an artist,” said Jacob Linden, Gingrich’s political advisor. “It’s first time I’ve seen him interested in something other than junk food and cheating on his wives.”

Mitt Romney can’t seem to do anything right.

After claiming he was just an “everyday Joe,” the former Governor of Massachusetts attempted to make a $10,000 bet with Rick Perry over healthcare, told NASCAR fans he’s friends with several team owners, and of course, announced he didn’t care about the poor.

But the GOP candidate’s past misspeaks pale in comparison to his latest gaffe.

While campaigning in Alabama last night, the 65-year old was asked who he’d select as his running mate if he was chosen to oppose President Obama in the 2012 general election.

“I haven’t decided, but someone who has really caught my eye lately is a young man by the name of Joseph Kony.”

This morning Romney apologized after learning that Kony, a Ugandan guerrilla group leader and head of the Lord’s Resistance Army (LRA), is infamous for ordering the abduction of children to become sex slaves and soldiers.

“I was looking for a game changer, but probably should’ve done more research,” admitted Romney. “In my defense, I’ve seen so many KONY 2012 posters and lawn signs, I just assumed people were pulling for the guy.”

Poor Newt Gingrich.

The one-time favorite for the GOP nomination has become a laughingstock after another poor showing during Super Tuesday.

It’s been a steady decline into anonymity for Gingrich, whose campaign has been plagued by embarrassing gaffes, bad press and a bunch of bitter ex-wives and mistresses.

“Look, I get that I’m perceived as a blowhard,” the former Speaker of the House told OMGG.com. “But I refuse to drop out of the race until somebody, anybody, at least admits I’m a better candidate than Ron Paul.”