OMGG

Barack Obama shocked the world this morning when he announced he won’t seek re-election in November.

The president received such high praise for his appearance on Jimmy Fallon’s “Slow Jam the News” on Wednesday that he has decided to pursue a career in music.

The 50-year old says he’ll begin touring in early 2013 with a backup band that includes Bill Clinton on sax and Joe Biden manning the bongos.

“I worked my butt of as president, and for what — a 50% approval rating?” Obama explained to OMGG.com. “It’s time for a career change, mon.”

Perhaps Secret Service agents don’t get all of their extramarital action overseas.

While eleven members of the special security team are being investigated in the wake of a prostitution scandal in Colombia, we’ve obtained a photo that indicates the problem is a domestic one, as well.

An eyewitness told OMGG.com that members of the Secret Service occasionally take the presidential motorcade to Washington DC’s Dupont Circle neighborhood, where the vehicle is used as a motel on wheels.

“This is something we’re looking into, but we believe the photo dates back to the late-90s,” said Mark Williams, head of White House security. “In all likelihood, that’s Bill Clinton in the back of the limousine, not our agents.”

Until recently, President Obama had been looking into whether or not 11 members of his Secret Service team met with prostitutes in Colombia.

Today, OMGG.com decided to make his investigation a whole lot easier.

Our exclusive team of South American whoremongers snapped this photo of his security team at a brothel in Cartagena last week.

“Once again, I owe a debt of gratitude to the fine folks at OMGG,” said a grateful President Obama this afternoon. “The fact that they weren’t amongst today’s Pulitzer Prize winners is a disgrace and an embarrassment to this country.”

Not sure if you’ve heard, but it’s cool to like Hillary Clinton again.

The former First Lady was caught texting on a plane with her sunglasses on back in October, which led to a viral Tumblr site called Texts from Hillary.

This past weekend, the 64-year old proved she was still young at heart by chugging beers at a Colombian nightclub, prompting many to wonder if the hard-partying Secretary of State is out of control.

“People need to stop hatin’ on me,” Clinton told OMGG.com this morning. “I’m too hungover to deal with this bullsh*t today.”

Newt Gingrich is in dire straits.

The presidential candidate (haha, yeah right!), who recently bounced a $500 check for the filing fee to get on the Utah primary ballot, has now been caught shoplifting a box of Pepperidge Farm Mint Milano cookies.

Gingrich told OMGG.com he wasn’t stealing for the thrill, he did so out of necessity.

“I’m broke because no one wants to fundraise for me anymore,” explained the bloated Republican. “Ironically, I’m only running for president so I can get all the free cookies I want!”