Rick Santorum Drops Out of Race to Perform Abortions

Rick Santorum has decided to suspend his presidential run so that he can focus on his hobbies, including rock climbing, scrapbooking and performing late-term abortions.

The 53-year old career politician told OMGG.com he’s tired of the stresses of public service and just wants to enjoy life.

Right-wing supporters were reportedly outraged to learn that the former Senator changed his stance and now feels a woman should have the right to choose what she does with her own body.

“You should see the lunatics protesting outside my clinic today,” said Santorum. “Imagine how upset they’re going to be when they find out I’ve converted to Judaism!”