OMGG

A satellite that once confirmed the existence of a hole in the ozone layer will make a fiery descent back to earth today, and NASA’s website says there’s a good chance it will destroy you.

For the first time since Skylab crash-landed in Australia back in 1979, NASA has put the odds of someone being struck by a falling piece of the spacecraft at greater than 1:3200.

“This could’ve been avoided if NASA would just get their sh*t together,” said an angry President Obama. “This is their second monumental miscalculation in the last few months.”

The other incident took place in June, when the space shuttle Atlantis returned to earth for the final time, accidentally leaving mission specialist Rex Walheim on the moon.

After it was announced earlier this week that filming on X-Men Origins: Wolverine was delayed again, Hugh Jackman decided to attend a WWE match to take out his frustration.

In a fit of rage, the actor jumped out of the stands and into the ring, where he broke the jaw of professional wrestler Dolph Ziggler.

“He came out of nowhere,” said WWE President Vince McMahon, who informed OMGG.com that Jackman’s stunt wasn’t staged like many had believed. “Hugh ruined a perfectly good match between Zach Rider and Dolph Ziggler…now we’ll never know who would’ve won.”

Jackman’s friend Dominika Farys said the actor hasn’t been himself lately, probably due to his fading looks.

“He thinks Wolverine was halted because he’s getting fat,” said Farys. “Until filming resumes, he’s vowed to beat up anyone he meets with a better body than his.”

Dan Phelan, a 33-year old carpenter from Arkansas, is still getting ragged on by his buddies after admitting he thought Chelsea Clinton looked “sort of sexy” interviewing her mom at the Clinton Global Initiative’s annual meeting last night.

“He claims he was drunk,” says Phelan’s roommate Dennis. “But he’d only had like a beer or two at the time he said it.”

Clinton, famous for her doughy complexion, wiry red hair and rabbit-like teeth, is by all accounts better-looking now than during her awkward teenage years. But sexy?

“She’s got a great body and seems smart like her ma,” insists Phelan. “To tell y’all the truth, there are times she gives me a real presidential boner.”

While Arnold Schwarzenegger was busy shooting scenes for his upcoming film The Expendables 2, an OMGG.com intern snuck into his trailer and copied the first draft of his autobiography from his laptop’s hard drive.

Total Recall: My Life Story is the first tell-all book written by the Governator, and we have an exclusive preview of all the juicy details. Highlights include:

- When he was 16, Arnie was a 120-lb weakling living in Thal, Austria. After having his lunch money stolen by an American exchange student named Malik Adunni, he vowed to bulk up.

- He nearly refused to compete for the Mr. Universe title in 1967 after learning there wasn’t an Evening Gown competition.

- He only decided to run for governor after Sylvester Stallone bet him a tub of Muscle Milk that there was no way Californians would be dumb enough to elect a foreign-born action star.

Schwarzenegger dedicated the memoir to his ex-maid Mildred Baena, whom he calls the true love of his life. In fact, the book ends with the line, “I’ll be back…in Mildred’s arms one day.”

Criss Angel’s fiancee Sandra Gonzalez is just his latest illusion, according to OMGG.com sources.

Fans of the magician didn’t know he was dating anyone, so news of the pair’s engagement over the weekend came as a total surprise.

“He was having a hard time meeting a woman who didn’t think he was a total douchebag,” admitted Michaela Hartwig, Angel’s former assistant. “So he waved his wand around, and next thing you know, Sandra appeared.”

The magician, who performs to empty seats nightly as headliner of the wildly unpopular Cirque du Soleil BeLIEve show in Vegas, says he won’t reveal how he pulled off the seemingly impossible trick.

“She’s so life-like it’s eerie,” revealed Angel. “This morning she begged me to stop wearing vests without shirts underneath, just like real human women do!”