On President’s Day, Obama Reminds Nation That Bin Laden is Still Dead

With the average price for gas surpassing $4 a gallon over the weekend, Americans were in desperate need of good news, and at 8:15am some was finally delivered. According to President Barack Obama, Osama bin Laden is still dead.

“This is a great day for America,” exclaimed travel agent Melissa Farrar, who is taking the week off to celebrate.

In a statement to reporters, Obama once again thanked the servicemen for their hard work, and said he hopes the news will “make us forget about this whole ‘higher gas prices during an economic collapse’ thing.”

While the president’s approval rating has surged, Donald Trump warned Fox News’ Sean Hannity that bin Laden’s death certificate may very well be a fake.