OMGG

Now that Newt Gingrich is atop the GOP field in the latest CNN poll, members of the White House Planning Committee are beginning to panic.

“A Newt Gingrich presidency will cost taxpayers millions of dollars,” said Megan Oiler, head of the Political Transition Coordinating Council. “A mistress clothing allowance, a substantial Twinkie budget and seatbelt extenders on Air Force One are just a few of the additional expenses.”

While Newt’s reps acknowledge the potentially hefty tab, they insist it could be worse.

“White House doorways were already widened in 1933 to accomodate Franklin D. Roosevelt’s wheelchair,” said Gingrich spokesman Andy Hecker. “So at least no major construction would be necessary there.”

Justin Verlander was named the American League MVP today, six days after taking home the AL Cy Young Award. It’s the first time a starting pitcher has won both awards in a quarter century.

But Verlander told OMGG.com he isn’t satisfied.

The 28-year-old righty, who posted a dominant 24-5 record with 250 strikeouts and a 2.40 ERA for the American League Central champion Tigers, says he deserved more recognition for his record-breaking season.

“I think I’ve proven I’m the greatest athlete of this generation,” tweeted the formerly-humble pitcher. “After the year I just had, I probably should’ve been named ‘AL Manager of the Year’, or at the very least taken home an Emmy.”

Just days after Justin Bieber deposited his DNA at a New Jersey sperm bank, authorities were notified that his sample vanished.

Beiber’s semen, which already has over 423k fans on Facebook, is the key to proving once-and-for-all that the singer isn’t the father of Mariah Yeater’s baby.

There were many theories as to what happened to the jizz, but OMGG.com has learned that the ‘Bieber Baby Batter’ sold on eBay this morning for a record Buy-It-Now price of $450,000.

“That’s great news,” exclaimed M.A.Z.E. Laboratories technician Aaron Perlmutter. “We were really worried that one of our young nurses drank it.”

With the world in crisis, God knew there was only one man he could turn to.

“I need some time off,” the Lord announced via twitter. “Please direct all future prayers to Tim Tebow.”

The ultra-religious quarterback, whose latest come-from-behind win was called “a miracle” by wide receiver Eric Decker, feels he’s ready to take the reigns from The Almighty.

“Saving the world from the apocalypse shouldn’t be too hard,” the Heisman Trophy winner told OMGG.com. “Keep in mind that I’ve just led the Broncos to three straight wins.”

Looks like newly-single Ashton Kutcher got into the Movember spirit today. The Two and a Half Men star shaved his shaggy beard, leaving just a touch of lip carpet.