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March 27, 2012

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Transgender Miss Universe Contestant Feels Like She Was Kicked in the Balls

Meet Miss Manada, the Transgender Beauty Queen

Former beauty pageant contestant Jenna Talackova seemed to have it all. Long legs, flowing blonde hair, a thin torso, luscious lips and a protruding adam’s apple. Wait…what?

The Miss Universe Canada finalist was recently disqualified from the competition after it was discovered she was born male.

While admitting to sexual reassignment surgery, the 23-year old claims he/she should be allowed to compete for this year’s crown because the rules are unclear.

“How is anyone supposed to know whether or not they’re eligible to be Miss Universe?” asked Talackova. “I’ve read the guidelines twice, and nowhere does it say that contestants must be penis-less.”

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March 26, 2012

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Will Tim Tebow Turn Mark Sanchez to Salt?

Tim Tebow has publicly stated that he wants to be the New York Jets’ starting quarterback in 2012. Unfortunately, that job currently belongs to another man.

“I sure wouldn’t want to be Mark Sanchez right now,” admitted head coach Rex Ryan. “That son of a bitch will probably get struck by lightning any minute now.”

Tebow, a pious southpaw universally considered the holiest man in sports, said he’ll be forced to ask for God’s help if Satan Sanchez doesn’t step aside.

“I’m praying Mark does the right thing,” Tebow told OMGG.com. “But if he insists on being damned to hell for all eternity, that’s on him.”

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March 26, 2012

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Justin Bieber Enjoys Rapping About His Boyfriend

Justin Bieber Enjoys Rapping About His Boyfriend

♪♫♪ “Swag, swag, swag on you / Chillin’ by the fire while we eatin’ fondue.” ♪♫♪

That’s just one of the brilliant lines from Justin Bieber’s debut rap, Boyfriend, which dropped today.

“It’s a very romantic song,” admitted Billboard magazine editor Keith Lobo.  “You can tell from the lyrics that Justin really cares for his boyfriend.”

In addition to rave reviews from critics, the 18-year old hip-hopper has gained the respect of one of the biggest names in the industry.

“Biebs’ lyrics come from the heart, you can’t fake sh*t like that,” Jay-Z told OMGG.com. “You can tell that boy is from the streets. The streets of an all-white suburb in Canada.”

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March 23, 2012

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Kim Kardashian Flour Bomb Suspect: Jon Hamm

At last night’s launch event for her new perfume, Kim Kardashian was the victim of a vicious flour bomb.

This morning, police announced they’ve apprehended the wrongdoer — Mad Men actor Jon Hamm.

Even though Kardashian wanted to press charges against the handsome leading man, OMGG.com has learned that cops were unwilling to do so.

“The two have been feuding for weeks over comments Mr. Hamm made about Kim being a f*cking idiot,” said LAPD Spokesman Kenneth Berk. “We’ve decided it would be unjust to arrest such a rational, well-spoken man.”

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March 23, 2012

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Neglectful Snooki Drowns Fake Baby

Neglectful Snooki Drowns Fake Baby

As TMZ reported, Nicole “Snooki” Polizzi has been carrying around a fake baby all week as she prepares for motherhood.

Sadly, things turned tragic for the pregnant reality star this afternoon, after she drank too much peppermint schnapps and accidentally drowned the faux child in Tomahawk Lake.

OMGG.com caught up with the 24-year old, who didn’t seem too concerned with the apparent homicide.

“That’s why I’m practicing, so it doesn’t happen to the real kid,” said Snooki. “People need to get off my case, every new mom gets drunk and drowns at least one baby.”

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