OMGG

When U.S. synchronized swimmer Tessa Boehm tore her Achilles tendon Monday, the team assumed they’d have to withdraw from the London Games.

“We’d been training four years, I hated letting my teammates down,” Boehm said. “Luckily, Charlie Sheen stepped in out of nowhere to save the day.”

Despite having no previous experience in the sport, the 46-year old actor assured the ladies he’d help bring home the gold this year.

“The sport involves spinning broads around and spreading their legs,” Sheen told OMGG.com. “The only way we can possibly lose is if Ashton Kutcher is on the German squad.”

Ryan Lochte is literally in hot water for his latest actions in London.

The 28-year old recently admitted to relieving himself before all of his big races, essentially turning the Olympic Park Aquatics Center into one giant kiddie pool.

But the handsome swimming star says he’s only taken “one dump” in the pool and that he’s not as bad as some of his U.S. teammates.

“Let’s just say it’s a good thing that water’s chlorinated,” Lochte told OMGG.com. “As we all know by now, Phelps has a habit of masturbating immediately following any race in which he medals.”

Michael Phelps isn’t the only American winning in London this summer.

Charlie Sheen allegedly put his show Anger Management on hiatus this week after reading the OMGG.com article about all the gratuitous sex taking place in the Olympic Village.

But according to reports, Sheen plans to leave London with more than just Lolo Jones’ virginity.

“I’d like to assure all the doubters that I’m here to compete,” said the 46-year old actor. “In fact, I’ll be shocked if I don’t bring home this year’s gold medal in Synchronized F#cking!”