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The New York Mets, tired of being one of the worst teams in baseball, are keeping their fingers crossed that this season is wiped from the record books.

“Our fans are disappointed that we’re more than 20 games back in the NL East,” said leftfielder Jason Bay. “Well if Hurricane Irene takes out our stadium, I’m pretty sure the season wouldn’t count.”

While a disqualified season would definitely boost city morale, some Mets fans are hoping for more.

“Not having a losing record for once would be nice,” said Larry Parra, a longtime Mets fan. “But I’m kind of hoping this storm takes out our entire pitching staff.”

Not long after being named the face of ‘Madden NFL 12’, Cleveland Browns running back Peyton Hillis reports he woke up with several pimples on his nose and left cheek.

“I never had a zit in my life before being on the cover of that stupid game,” claimed the football stud. “Now I wear my helmet to the supermarket just to cover my hideous face.”

In the past, the “Madden Curse” has been blamed for everything from Donovan McNabb’s crippling sports hernia to the retirement of Barry Sanders, but never anything this gruesome.

Daunte Culpepper, who suffered a career-ending knee injury after appearing on the Madden cover years ago, said Hillis should look on the bright side. “At least he can get some endorsement money from doing one of those Proactiv commercials.”

A goodwill game between Georgetown University and China’s Bayi Rockets turned violent yesterday, moments after Carl Douglas’ hit song Kung Fu Fighting was accidentally played over the PA system.

“When the music started, everyone just froze in their tracks and started punching each other,” explained American spectator Alex Lamperti. “It was f*cking awesome!”

Highlights of the fracas have spread across YouTube, and in less than 24 hours the melee had been viewed by over 19 million people, making it the most-watched NCAA basketball game in history.

“Our athletic director just called me to say he’s thrilled with the ratings,” remarked Georgetown coach John Thompson III. “He’s currently working out a deal for us to fight the Russians on pay-per-view.”

Even when he was just a cub, this Tiger loved the cougars.

Before he was fighting with Linda, Hulkamania ran wild all over the kids in the sandbox.