OMGG

By Sebastian Updyke
OMGG.com Film/TV Critic
November 16, 2011

I just watched woke up from The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn – Part 1. I don’t want to say the movie bored me, but I haven’t slept that well since my infamous four-day Ambien/pot brownie bender that preluded my return to rehab in 2008.

The film started off alright, with a controversial sex scene steamy enough to keep tween girls and former-Penn State Defensive Coordinator Jerry Sandusky clamoring for more.

But mere moments after Jake (played by 4’11″ heartthrob Taylor Lautner) and Edward (Robert Pattinson) share their final kiss, the movie falls apart. Bella (Kristen Stewart) moves to Camden, New Jersey, where she meets an elderly werewolf named Peter (John Lithgow) with whom she falls in love. In a dark twist, the rest of the cast *SPOILER ALERT* is wiped out after a tsunami hits the Pacific Northwest.

The Bottom Line: The movie’s pacing is slow, but if you’re looking for hot vampire-on-werewolf lovemaking, this is the second best film in theaters at the moment (Immortals has a shockingly similar plot).

Rating: 5 out of 5 Stars

Bradley Cooper seems to have it made.  The 36-year old leading man is hot, funny, smart and successful. OMGG.com set out this week to knock him down a peg.

We hired Kay Brack, an acclaimed New York-based private investigator to see what she could dig up on the man People magazine just named the ‘Sexiest Men Alive’.

“Until now, everyone I’ve researched had skeletons in their closet,” said Brack.  “But this man is literally perfect.”

According to his bio, The Hangover star was an honors student at Georgetown University, went kayaking with Orca Whales in British Columbia and enjoys ice climbing in the Peruvian Andes.  He also volunteers at a non-profit organization that teaches acting to inner city school children.

“He’s athletic, romantic and the best lover I’ve ever had,” added Renee Zellweger, the actor’s ex-girlfriend. “I’m not even mad at him for dumping me, the guy was way out of my league.”

The only person more upset than Matt Schaub to learn about his season-ending foot injury was his backup quarterback, Matt Leinart.

“I purposely signed with the Texans knowing I wouldn’t have to play,” said Leinart, who didn’t take a single snap in 2010.

The former Heisman Trophy winner has been a huge bust since being drafted by Arizona, where he spent four interception-filled seasons before being released. Houston signed him to a minimum-salary contract the following year to back up the durable Schaub.

“The Houston Texans had no other choice but to name me the starter for the rest of the season,” Leinart tearfully announced at a press conference in Glendale, Arizona today. “Instead of embarrassing myself any further, I’ve decided to retire, effective immediately.”

This past Sunday, reality star Kat Von D announced via Facebook that former fiancee Jesse James cheated on her with at least 19 women. After word of his conquests spread, James was contacted by Tiger Woods about joining a prestigious secret society.

“We call ourselves the ‘Fraud Squad’,” explained the golf legend. “We’re a group of celebrity men who’ve been shunned by the public for our sexual misconduct.”

Members of the exclusive bad boys club include Hugh Grant, Jude Law, Arnold Schwarzenegger, the entire NBA, Bill Clinton and of course Woods, who serves as president.

“I’m honored they finally reached out to me,” gushed James, who said he’s nervous for his induction ceremony this Friday night at Hooters.

In honor of Movember, OMGG.com will be featuring stars with staches this month.

We start with the hottest couple in music — Justin and Selena.

Sadly, only one of these two is old enough to grow a decent-looking cookie duster!