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On Tuesday, Gerard Depardieu relieved himself in the aisle of an Air France plane after noticing that the restroom was occupied.

“I was under the impression that this was ok if you’re sitting in first class,” explained the Green Card star. “If they have a ‘no urinating in the cabin’ policy, they need to tell you that before you board.”

Fellow actor Jean Reno, who was recently thrown off a Carnival cruise for masturbating on the bow of the ship, agrees.

“It seems like people are just out to get French people these days,” remarked Reno. “I guarantee you that if an American had pissed on the floor of a 747, no one would even say a word.”

Dessy Boneva, the Arizona State dropout who famously trims the hair of former American Idol host Simon Cowell, was fired from Supercuts last night.

Upon hearing the news, Cowell changed his Facebook status to read:  So sad for u Dess. Ur the best.

Critics have been panning Cowell’s ‘do for over a decade. In 2006, a People Magazine article said Cowell’s hair “looks like a duck had slept on it the night before.”  In 2009, the NY Times’ fashion editor famously asked, “Who the hell would part a flattop in the middle?”

Although blindsided by her termination, Boneva was relieved to learn she wouldn’t lose Cowell as a client.  “He texted to say he’s going to continue using my services,” said the 29-year old. “Which is awesome, cause he tips like 50%.”