OMGG

Despite his ex-wife’s claims to the contrary, Kelsey Grammer insists he’s got a member to remember.

TMZ reported yesterday that Camille Grammer remarked “big feet, big disappointment” when referring to her former lover. Not true, says the actor.

“Anyone who knows me will attest to the fact that I do not have big feet,” insisted the former Frasier star. “I wear a 9 ½ shoe.”

As for the other…um…thing?

“The problem isn’t that my penis is small,” he said. “Camille just has a really big vagina.”

The Wall Street Journal is reporting that due to an accounting error, the ‘Bill & Melinda Gates Foundation’ recently gave away all $43 billion of Bill Gates’ vast fortune.

While the generous donation officially put an end to malaria worldwide, OMdoubleG has learned that Gates’ 66,000 square foot home was foreclosed on this morning.

“I’ve been against philanthropy since Day One, but my wife kept nagging me to start that damn charity,” said the former richest man in the world. “But who knows? This could just be the result of bad karma from releasing Windows Vista.”

While taping his first episode of Two and a Half Men on Saturday, OMGG insiders tell us Ashton Kutcher’s rider (aka ‘celebrity diva demands’) included just two things:

1) Vegetarian food for lunch
2) Jon Cryer’s removal from the show ASAP

Production Assistant Karin Constantin was said to be devastated upon learning of Kutcher’s list. “I hope that this doesn’t mean we all have to eat vegetarian,” she sobbed.

As for the request to replace the rosy-cheeked Cryer?

“Charlie (Sheen) made similar demands, but I don’t get it,” remarked Executive Producer Chuck Lorre. “Am I the only one who finds the charm in Jon’s ability to take poorly-written jokes and make them even less funny?”

According to the latest Nielsen ratings, Americans have lost all interest in educational television now that Shark Week is over.

“If I ain’t seein’ folks eaten by them big fish, I’m back to watching NASCAR,” explained toothless yokel Ryan Zboril. “If I wanted to learn, I’d read me a book.”

The Discovery Channel has seen a 94% drop in ratings since Shark Week ended last weekend, and competitors are having a hard time ignoring those numbers.

National Geographic Channel CEO Martin Newman held a press conference this morning to announce Shark Year will be coming soon to his useless network.

Let’s Move!, the initiative launched by Michelle Obama in 2010 to end childhood obesity, was a casualty of the recent debt ceiling budget cuts. Kids across the U.S. are already feeling the pinch, most likely because their pants are getting too tight.

The program stressed movement and eating right, two things 12-year old Billy Hookings needs to be reminded of constantly. Since the government shut down Let’s Move! last week, the 7th grader has packed on close to 15 pounds.

While the First Lady has been pleading with Congress to reinstate the program, Newt Gingrich says he couldn’t be happier to hear it’s been axed.

“I’ve been anti-exercise since Day 1, and I’m not a flip-flopper like my opponents on the left,” explained the Republican presidential nominee. “Besides, letting our children buy soda and candy is a great way to stimulate our struggling economy.”