Coming into this season, the Pittsburgh Pirates have finished with a losing record for 18 consecutive years, the longest streak in MLB history. Well it’s late July, and the team is currently in first place in the NL Central.
“We aren’t doing anything different,” insisted starting first baseman Lyle Overbay, who’s batting a paltry .233. “We have no clue why we’re winning right now…it’s a total fluke.”
Statistics seem to back up Overbay’s claims. The Pirates have scored the fewest runs in their entire division, and as of today, don’t have a single player batting over .281.
So why are they currently six games above .500?
“Don’t tell them we told you, but we’re letting them win,” explained Cincinnati Reds pitcher Edinson Volquez. “They’ve become such a joke that all the National League teams got together and decided to give them a morality boost.”
Unfortunately, the Pirates hit the road to face the Atlanta Braves and Philadelphia Phillies this week, two teams who can easily beat them without trying at all.
“We’ll do everything in our power to lose,” assured the Pirates’ starting third baseman, Pedro Alvarez, whose .208 batting average is among the worst in the league. “But the way the season has been going so far, I can’t make any promises.”
July 26, 2011
SPORTS