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While Arnold Schwarzenegger was busy shooting scenes for his upcoming film The Expendables 2, an OMGG.com intern snuck into his trailer and copied the first draft of his autobiography from his laptop’s hard drive.

Total Recall: My Life Story is the first tell-all book written by the Governator, and we have an exclusive preview of all the juicy details. Highlights include:

- When he was 16, Arnie was a 120-lb weakling living in Thal, Austria. After having his lunch money stolen by an American exchange student named Malik Adunni, he vowed to bulk up.

- He nearly refused to compete for the Mr. Universe title in 1967 after learning there wasn’t an Evening Gown competition.

- He only decided to run for governor after Sylvester Stallone bet him a tub of Muscle Milk that there was no way Californians would be dumb enough to elect a foreign-born action star.

Schwarzenegger dedicated the memoir to his ex-maid Mildred Baena, whom he calls the true love of his life. In fact, the book ends with the line, “I’ll be back…in Mildred’s arms one day.”

Criss Angel’s fiancee Sandra Gonzalez is just his latest illusion, according to OMGG.com sources.

Fans of the magician didn’t know he was dating anyone, so news of the pair’s engagement over the weekend came as a total surprise.

“He was having a hard time meeting a woman who didn’t think he was a total douchebag,” admitted Michaela Hartwig, Angel’s former assistant. “So he waved his wand around, and next thing you know, Sandra appeared.”

The magician, who performs to empty seats nightly as headliner of the wildly unpopular Cirque du Soleil BeLIEve show in Vegas, says he won’t reveal how he pulled off the seemingly impossible trick.

“She’s so life-like it’s eerie,” revealed Angel. “This morning she begged me to stop wearing vests without shirts underneath, just like real human women do!”

Johnny Depp’s friends say the actor was disturbed to discover that his biggest admirer isn’t a delusional fan…it’s none other than director Tim Burton.

“Tim’s in love with Johnny,” Burton’s domestic partner, Helena Bonham Carter, confessed on her Facebook Wall recently. “Lately, he insists I wear a Jack Sparrow mask in the bedroom.”

This doesn’t come as a surprise to many Depp fans, who’ve seen the actor star in eight Burton films, including Edward Scissorhands, Ed Wood, Sweeney Todd and Alice in Wonderland.