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October 28, 2011

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Jon Hamm Ponders Plastic Surgery After Being Named ‘Sixth Sexiest’ Man

We Get It, Jon Hamm. You’re Handsome!

Jon Hamm has slipped into a state of depression after being named Fitness Magazine‘s Sixth Sexiest Male Celebrity Body Over 40.

“Those bastards put Tom Hanks ahead of me,” an outraged Hamm told OMGG.com. “That guy’s been a fat f#ck since Cast Away!”

Paparazzi recently spotted the Golden Globe-winning actor, currently filming the fifth season of Mad Men, doing sit-ups on set between scenes.

“We’ve been fighting ever since that damn magazine came out,” said Jennifer Westfeldt, Hamm’s girlfriend. “He sometimes blames me for his current ranking, saying I’ve been feeding him too many carbs.”

October 28, 2011

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Obama bin Laden: Trick or Treat?

For the second straight year, the Obamas plan to hand out Halloween treats to local children at the White House this Sunday. But it’ll be a whole lot scarier this time around.

The First Family revealed that they’ll each be wearing the costumes of their favorite dictators.

“Like the rest of America, the Obamas often struggle to come up with that perfect costume,” the president told OMGG.com. “I’m pretty sure we hit it out of the park this year, though.”

Michelle Obama admitted that going as evil oppressors wasn’t the family’s first choice.

“We thought about going as Kardashians,” admitted the First Lady, “but we decided it’d be best to steer clear of anything controversial.”

October 27, 2011

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FCC Calls Katie Holmes’ “Slutty Pumpkin” Outfit Indecent

FCC Calls Katie Holmes'

Katie Holmes has been vilified by the press for dressing too conservatively since marrying Tom Cruise in 2006. Well this Halloween, that’s about to change.

The actress will appear on Monday’s episode of How I Met Your Mother as the infamous “slutty pumpkin.”

Fans of HIMYM may recall how Ted (Josh Radnor) has been hoping to reconnect with the gorgeous gourd since the show’s first season. Holmes says she jumped at the chance to wear the naughty pumpkin attire when the opportunity presented itself.

“I just fell in love with the character,” the actress told OMGG.com. “Now that I have a young daughter, it’s important to choose parts that allow me to be a good role model.”

October 27, 2011

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Kanye West Occupies Wall Street for a Few Minutes

Kanye West Occupies Wall Street for a Few Minutes

Kanye West is coming under fire for his recent Occupy Wall Street visit.

The Grammy winner, flanked by his butler and wearing a $19,000 Louis Vuitton reversible gold vest, said he understands the plight of the protesters.

“This economy has been affecting me, too,” West told the crowd. “None of you unemployed folk have the money to buy my new album.”

After the mob turned violent, the rapper’s bodyguards were forced to step in and carry him to his waiting helicopter.