OMGG

After an abundance of harsh criticism came his way for tweeting his support of Joe Paterno, Ashton Kutcher said he will quit twitter until he can properly manage his feed.

“This is the worst day of my life,” said 16-year old Tanya Kyko. “Now how will I know when Two and a Half Men is on?”

Kutcher’s twitter feed currently has over 8.2 million followers, more than CNN or Oprah.

“I could kill Jerry (Sandusky) with my bare hands,” Joe Paterno said after hearing the news. “Molesting kids is one thing, but taking down aplusk is truly unforgivable.”

Howard Stern is currently in talks to take over Pierce Morgan’s vacated judge’s seat on America’s Got Talent.

The shock jock is allegedly being offered a cool $15 million for the three-month gig.

AGT fans are said to be worried that the show’s integrity will suffer, but Stern promised everything will pretty much stay the same if he decides to judge.

“The only foreseeable change is that no fat chicks will make it through to the second round,” announced the controversial broadcaster. “And I may replace that no-talent hack Nick Cannon with Baba Booey.”

On December 17th, Oscar De La Hoya will return to the ring to fight Floyd Mayweather, Jr. — in lingerie.

The cross-dressing boxing legend told OMGG.com that he’d prefer to stay retired, and could care less about winning back the World Welterweight Title.

So why fight?

“To be honest, I need the money,” said the Golden Boy. “That new Victoria’s Secret Incredible Collection ain’t cheap.”

Will Eddie Murphy host the Oscars this year? Fat chance!

The one-time brilliant stand-up comedian quit the hosting gig after the Academy refused to let him emcee as Rasputia, a fat suit-wearing character from his 2007 box office flop Norbit.

While many argue that fat suits are dumbed-down, gimmicky humor, one man is siding with Murphy.

“I never understood Eddie’s appeal during the Beverly Hills Cop days,” admitted writer/director Tyler Perry. “But ever since he played that Klump character, I’ve been his biggest fan.”

Perhaps Joe Paterno was more involved in the Penn State scandal than originally believed.

Moments ago, a source called OMGG.com’s criminal investigations team claiming Paterno was fired for supplying Jerry Sandusky with an endless supply of boys in exchange for complicated defensive schemes.

“Paterno knew the importance of a strong defense,” said the source. “Sadly, there was only one way to keep Jerry motivated.”