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Newt Gingrich Checked Into Insane Asylum

December 15, 2011

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Newt Gingrich Checked Into Insane Asylum

Being a frontrunner for the 2012 Republican nomination has taken its toll on several candidates. Donald Trump decided he’d rather focus on The Apprentice, Rick Perry forgot how to form a sentence and Herman Cain was exposed as a serial groper.

Current GOP favorite Newt Gingrich is the latest to fall victim, and according to Mitt Romney, the former Speaker of the House belongs in a straitjacket.

Ever since Fox News named him the “candidate to beat” in late-November, Gingrich has by all accounts gone insane. He’s announced a plan to save the US economy by turning Detroit into the world’s largest chocolate factory, and recently claimed the only way to stop al-Qaeda was to “hug them to death.”

Despite being checked into a psychiatric hospital last week, Newt hasn’t lost any ground in the race for the nomination. In fact, fellow mental patient Gary Busey officially endorsed Gingrich on Monday.

“It boggles my mind that a bloated lunatic’s poll numbers are so much better than mine,” a confused Ron Paul told OMGG.com. “Then again, even after his breakdown, Newt’s still twice as rational a person as Rick Perry will ever be.”

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Pope Endorses Louis Vuitton Condoms

December 15, 2011

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Pope Endorses Louis Vuitton Condoms

Looking to get your significant other a lavish gift that you both can enjoy this Christmas?

Well look no further, because luxury brand Louis Vuitton is now making condoms!

While many have scoffed at the $68 price tag, the extravagant prophylactics are being called a “godsend” by none other than Pope Benedict XVI.

“The Catholic church has always been against artificial birth control, but I stand behind any product with that LV logo,” the Holy Father told OMGG.com. “Plus, I’m excited we may have finally found a rubber that’ll keep Lil Wayne from impregnating groupies.”

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Lindsay Lohan Shows Up to Court Naked

December 14, 2011

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At Lindsay Lohan’s previous hearing, a number of fans deemed her attire inappropriate for the courtroom.

This morning, the actress took it a step further by appearing before Los Angeles County Superior Court Judge Stephanie Sautner in her birthday suit.

But the actress insists she wasn’t trying to be controversial or disrespectful.

“My Playboy shoot leaked online, so everyone already knows what I look like naked,” the Freaky Friday star told OMGG.com. “Plus, it’s the only way to prove to people in the room that I haven’t stolen anything.”

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Iconic Macho Man Clint Eastwood is Really Just a Huge Pussy

December 14, 2011

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Clint Eastwood A Pussy

Is renowned tough guy Clint Eastwood nothing more than a whiny little bitch?

OMGG.com has learned that the actor/director, currently filming a reality TV show for the E! Network, is a known panophobic — meaning he’s essentially scared of everything.

Million Dollar Baby co-star Hilary Swank said she “wanted to slap him” after watching him cry daily over everything from an itchy boxing robe to a spider that found its way onto the set.

“If Hilary were here right now, I’d give her one of my patented angry scowls,” Eastwood told us. “But then I’d probably run away, because that broad has some serious muscles.”

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Tim Tebow Has Arms Removed, Doesn’t Need Them to Win Games

December 13, 2011

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Tim Tebow Has Arms Removed, Doesn't Need Them to Win Games

He runs a 4.7 40-yard dash. While at the University of Florida, he broke the SEC record for most rushing touchdowns by a player at any position. He’s the first quarterback in NFL history to run for a touchdown in each of his first three career starts. He’s been labeled a “rushing quarterback” since he set foot on the field nearly 10 years ago. Now, he’ll have no choice but to run.

Following the Broncos’ latest come-from-behind miracle win, Tim Tebow had both of his arms surgically removed.

The lefty quarterback, apparently tired of his league-low passer rating and inability to complete a wide-open, four-yard pass, hopes this will finally silence his critics.

“Let’s be honest, it won’t affect the outcome of any game I play in,” the quarterback explained to OMGG.com. “The only arms I need to win are the ones God embraces me with.”

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