Dutch Women’s Hockey Team Awarded Gold Medal for Looking Good

The Dutch field hockey team’s victory over Latvia recently received the highest tv ratings in the history of the Olympic games.

“People like tuning in to watch us beat uglys,” explained midfielder/Victoria’s Secret model Miranda Kerr. “We’re a very intimidating group.”

The team has been so popular, in fact, that Olympic Association chairman Jason Webski promises to hand out all future medals based on looks.

“Trust me, that freak show Michael Phelps won’t win gold in London,” said Webski. “He’s got a decent body, but his teeth are worse than most of the Brits watching him swim.”