Beck Yourself Before You Wreck Yourself

Reports show that delusional former-Fox News personality Glenn Beck is one of the ten highest-paid public speakers, currently pulling in over $100,000 per engagement.

“Glenn is worth every penny…he’s stupendicious,” stated Sarah Palin, who took time out of her busy schedule to make up yet another word.

Beck, who has been known to masturbate every time the Terror Alert Level reaches orange, feels he deserves even more.

“Tony Blair, Bill Clinton and Lance Armstrong each make more than me per speech,” explained Beck. “And what exactly have any of those guys accomplished?”