OMGG

Jillian Turkle, a 63-year old squaw from rural Kansas helped knock out a former Welterweight champion last night.

Sugar Ray Leonard was TKO’d from Dancing with the Stars, the third member of the cast voted off the show. Even though Kendra Wilkinson received lower scores from the panel of judges, Leonard was ultimately doomed by a lack of fan support.

“Apparently the millions of middle-aged hags who keep this ridiculous show on the air aren’t boxing fans,” remarked a bitter Leonard, after he was booted.

59-year old Roseanne Feingold says that while she was impressed with Sugar Ray’s dancing ability, all of her phone-in votes this season have been for Kirstie Alley.  “I just know one of these days that fatty is going to snap her poor dance partner’s back, and that’s something I’ve got to see.”

On Friday, the world applauded Southwest pilot Ian Gregor, who made a heroic emergency landing after a fuselage rupture, saving the lives of all 118 aboard the Boeing 737.  But one man wasn’t impressed.

“Whoopty F#ckin’ Doo,” said Chesley ‘Sully’ Sullenberger, who rose to fame in 2009 when he successfully ditched a US Airways flight in the Hudson River. “If that guy’s a hero, I’m a messiah.”

Southwest spokesperson Michelle Kole said that while she respects Mr. Sullenberger, to say Ian Gregor isn’t a hero is “just plain wrong.”

When OMdoubleG contacted Sully for his reaction to Kole’s comments, the former pilot backtracked a little. “Look, I think he did a great thing landing that plane safely.  All I’m saying is let’s not go overboard and throw a parade for the dude.  My 11-year-old niece can land a plane on solid ground…call me when he touches down in the ocean.”

Elizabeth Taylor’s publicist revealed today that despite the former actress’ recent death, she is engaged to be married for a ninth time this summer.

“I am proud to announce that Taylor’s corpse will tie the knot with former caregiver Johnny Aplington on July 29, 2011.”

Ex-husband Richard Burton said he won’t be in attendance, but was happy for Liz’s cadaver.  “The only thing she loved more than acting was getting married.  She once told me she’d trade her two Oscars for two new husbands if she could.”

The location of the wedding has been kept secret, but the guest list is expected to include close friends Richard Gere and the late Frank Sinatra.