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August 12, 2011

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POLL: Jonah Hill Not Funny When Skinny

POLL: Jonah Hill Not as Funny When Skinny

He may be healthier physically, but Jonah Hill’s career is rumored to be on life support now that the actor has lost 60 pounds.

“My agent told me the phone has stopped ringing,” admitted Hill. “Isn’t Hollywood supposed to be all about sex appeal?”

In a recent interview, director Judd Apatow said he had zero interest in working with “that stick figure Jonah” anymore, and an OMGG.com poll revealed that 84% of people find the actor less funny now that he isn’t fat.

“Personally, I think it was really selfish of him to try and get healthy,” remarked Morgan Myrmo, a former fan who thought Jonah was hilarious in Superbad. “The public should boycott his films until he’s morbidly obese again.”

August 12, 2011

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David Beckham’s Sperm Signed to 5-Year Contract

David Beckham's Sperm Signed to 5-Year Contract

Just one week after Real Madrid shocked the world by signing 7-year old soccer prodigy ‘Leo’, Manchester United announced they’ve got a deal with someone even younger.

“We are happy to report that we’ve come to terms with unborn star ‘Jizzy’ on a 5-year deal,” announced team owner Malcolm Glazer. “We feel that he’s going to be a huge asset to our team in 18 years or so.”

The contract is rumored to be worth upwards of five million pounds per season, with no signing bonus**.

“I’m so bloody proud of my unborn son,” an emotional David Beckham told OMGG.com reporters in Los Angeles today. “I know he’ll lead Man U to several European Cups, assuming he’s not born a girl.”

**sperm don’t have hands
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August 11, 2011

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Mary-Kate Olsen Seen Wearing LIVESTRONG Bracelet as Belt

Olsen Twins Seen Wearing LIVESTRONG Bracelets as Belts

Mary-Kate Olsen came under fire this evening when she walked the red carpet at the Final Destination 5 premiere wearing a LIVESTRONG bracelet as a belt.

Some fear Olsen, who spent part of 2007 in rehab dealing with an eating disorder, is getting too thin again.

An unidentified source recently told OMGG that the 25-year old actress/entrepreneur is getting so skinny, in fact, that she no longer casts a shadow.

“I don’t care what her critics say, I thought she looked fabulous tonight,” remarked fashion expert George Kotsiopoulos. “That stretchy yellow rubber was a perfect compliment to the charcoal scarf she wore as a dress.”

August 11, 2011

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Separated at Birth?

Separated at Birth?

Keith Richards’ bio says he’s an only child. OMdoubleG doesn’t believe it!

August 11, 2011

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Kelsey Grammer Insists His Penis is Not Small

Kelsey Grammer Insists His Penis is Not Small

Despite his ex-wife’s claims to the contrary, Kelsey Grammer insists he’s got a member to remember.

TMZ reported yesterday that Camille Grammer remarked “big feet, big disappointment” when referring to her former lover. Not true, says the actor.

“Anyone who knows me will attest to the fact that I do not have big feet,” insisted the former Frasier star. “I wear a 9 ½ shoe.”

As for the other…um…thing?

“The problem isn’t that my penis is small,” he said. “Camille just has a really big vagina.”