OMGG

Desperate to play this season, Peyton Manning flew to Thailand last night to be fitted for a set of custom neck rings.

The spiral metal coils are typically worn by Asian and African women to strengthen and elongate the neck muscles, but after three failed surgeries, Manning was willing to try anything.

“After last night’s loss to the Steelers, we’re 0-3,” said Manning. “Watching Kerry Collins lead the Colts is sadder than one of those Sarah McLachlan dog rescue commercials.”

Manning, who has grown four inches since the rings have been added, now stands at 6’9″. He told OMGG.com that he’s been contacted by the GM of the Indiana Pacers, who’d like him to try out for the team should he decide a return to the NFL is too risky.

Carolina Panthers fans are said to be in shock after learning that QB Cam Newton is retiring just two games into his rookie season.

Newton, who set a record for pass yards in a debut with 422 last week in the Panthers’ loss to the Arizona Cardinals, threw for 432 yards in his encore performance against Green Bay yesterday. Despite his teams 0-2 record, Newton passed for more yards through his first two games than any player in NFL history.

“I’ve accomplished everything I can in this league,” the 2011 #1 draft pick said at yesterday’s post-game press conference. “I’ve decided to move on to my next challenge.”

The 6’5″ Auburn grad is thinking about getting his real estate license, according to his agent, Daniel Violante.

“I’m sad to see him quit,” said former teammate Steve Smith. “But I certainly respect his decision to go out on top.”

Chad Ochocinco caught flak for his recent tweets about Tom Brady’s monster game on Monday night, but it appears the Patriots receiver isn’t just a fan of Brady’s athleticism.

“He’s smart, good-looking and charming,” said the outspoken receiver. “What’s not to love?”

Former player and current analyst Tedy Bruschi blasted Johnson for “being in awe” of Brady, saying he should “keep his mind on the game, not in Brady’s pants.”

Teammates of the stars couldn’t agree more.

“The tweet didn’t bother me, but all the PDA is getting out of hand,” receiver Wes Welker told OMGG.com. “I finally spoke up after Chad decorated his locker with photos of Tom before today’s practice.”

Unsigned running back Tiki Barber said he’s not worried that the NFL season officially starts tomorrow — he’s expecting his phone to ring any moment with a plethora of contract offers.

Barber is so confident he’ll be in demand that he quit his NBC correspondent job so he’d be available for his pigskin comeback.

“I know exactly what I’m doing,” insisted the 36-year-old former Giants running back. “Teams pretend you’re too old to play all preseason, and then a bidding war breaks out for your services the hour before kickoff…I’ve seen it a million times.”

“There has literally been zero interest,” Marcus Hswe, Barber’s agent, admitted. “Even Dancing With the Stars told me his knees weren’t stable enough for their show.”