OMGG

OMGG.com investigators have learned that North Korea’s Kim Jong-il was buried alive recently…at his request.

“I faked my own death because I wanted to see what people would say about me once I was gone,” Jong-il admitted. “I was tired of being a media laughingstock, my self-esteem took a huge hit.”

The evil dictator, who was portrayed as a lonely, alien cockroach in the movie Team America and as a deranged kidnapper on the tv hit 30 Rock, says “dying” didn’t help him get the respect he felt he deserved.

“There were wild celebrations around the world when Osama bin Laden died, yet I had to share the front page of CNN.com with Tim Tebow,” said Jong-il “In hindsight, I probably should’ve been more of a dick.”

Comedian Jackie Mason says that President Obama’s actions during a Hanukkah celebration earlier this month were no laughing matter.

At this year’s annual White House party, the president had one-too-many glasses of Manischewitz and began “Tebowing” over the oval office menorah.

Tebowing, a neologism derived from weak-armed quarterback Tim Tebow’s propensity for kneeling and praying just about every time he completes a pass, is something reserved for Christians, says Mason.

“A Jewish holiday party is an inappropriate place to mimic Tim Tebow,” said the angry Jewish satirist. “It’d be like (Israeli President) Shimon Peres getting drunk and humping a Christmas tree.”

Being a frontrunner for the 2012 Republican nomination has taken its toll on several candidates. Donald Trump decided he’d rather focus on The Apprentice, Rick Perry forgot how to form a sentence and Herman Cain was exposed as a serial groper.

Current GOP favorite Newt Gingrich is the latest to fall victim, and according to Mitt Romney, the former Speaker of the House belongs in a straitjacket.

Ever since Fox News named him the “candidate to beat” in late-November, Gingrich has by all accounts gone insane. He’s announced a plan to save the US economy by turning Detroit into the world’s largest chocolate factory, and recently claimed the only way to stop al-Qaeda was to “hug them to death.”

Despite being checked into a psychiatric hospital last week, Newt hasn’t lost any ground in the race for the nomination. In fact, fellow mental patient Gary Busey officially endorsed Gingrich on Monday.

“It boggles my mind that a bloated lunatic’s poll numbers are so much better than mine,” a confused Ron Paul told OMGG.com. “Then again, even after his breakdown, Newt’s still twice as rational a person as Rick Perry will ever be.”

Herman Cain suspended his presidential campaign over the weekend, citing the public outcry over his “cluster of loquacious hoes.”

“The dozens of women who’ve come forward with accusations of affairs are all liars. I’ve never cheated on Brenda,” said Mr. Cain, who later apologized for calling his wife Gloria by the wrong name.

At the emotional rally in Atlanta, the former Godfather’s Pizza CEO said he’s confident the GOP will thrive under the leadership of another qualified candidate.

“I’m pleased to announce that I’m officially endorsing Michele Bachmann,” revealed Cain. “Not only do I approve of her conservative ideals, she also has a stunningly great set of tits.”

Seventy-one new women have accused Herman Cain of either an extramarital affair or sexual harassment since Wednesday, a 14% increase over last week.

Just 15 days ago, Cain appeared to be the front-runner for the GOP presidential nomination, but he’s since fallen behind both Newt Gingrich and Mitt Romney in a recent CNN poll.

The former Godfather’s Pizza CEO, who was once called “a modern-day Ronald Reagan,” is proving to be a more like a “new-age Wilt Chamberlain.”

“I’m probably the only woman that would vote for him at this point,” said high-profile discrimination attorney Gloria Allred. “He is single-handedly keeping my law firm in business during the recession.”