OMGG

With the average price for gas surpassing $4 a gallon over the weekend, Americans were in desperate need of good news, and at 8:15am some was finally delivered. According to President Barack Obama, Osama bin Laden is still dead.

“This is a great day for America,” exclaimed travel agent Melissa Farrar, who is taking the week off to celebrate.

In a statement to reporters, Obama once again thanked the servicemen for their hard work, and said he hopes the news will “make us forget about this whole ‘higher gas prices during an economic collapse’ thing.”

While the president’s approval rating has surged, Donald Trump warned Fox News’ Sean Hannity that bin Laden’s death certificate may very well be a fake.

Scientists agree that Newt Gingrich’s plan to colonize the moon wouldn’t work because of gravitational issues and the lack of a magnetic field to shield against the harmful effects of cosmic rays.

But today, the GOP candidate’s plan was endorsed by an unlikely source — former vice presidential candidate Sarah Palin.

The dimwitted Alaskan explained, “Talk of cosmic rays and gravity are just two examples of ‘science propaganda’ created by the liberal media.”

Newt agreed with Palin, taking her assessment a step further.

“I have a hard time imagining an invisible force pulling me down to the earth’s surface,” he said. “It’s safe to say that my obesity, not gravity, is what’s keeping me from floating around.”

Because he was such a good boy, JLo agreed to let her much-younger boyfriend use the swings yesterday.

The American Idol judge, who has been mocked by the media for dating someone half her age, insists her new man is surprisingly mature.

“He didn’t even cry when he fell off the jungle gym,” the proud cougar said. “He just asked me to kiss his knee to make it ‘all better’…it was so romantic.”

OMGG.com has learned that Casper, 24, was later treated to ice cream for being so brave.

The Lin-sanity continues!

Moments ago, the New York Knicks announced they’re sending point guard Jeremy Lin to Miami in exchange for LeBron James, Dwyane Wade and Chris Bosh.

“Personally, I’m shocked the league allowed this one-sided trade,” basketball historian Samuel Monreal told OMGG.com. “I mean, what the hell has Chris Bosh ever done in the NBA?”

Linning is the new Tebowing.

With Jeremy Lin taking the NBA by storm, many in the sports world have forgotten about last year’s feel-good story, Tim Tebow.

“If I had a message for Jeremy, it’d be, ‘I wouldn’t get used to the spotlight, you’re expendable’,” the NFL quarterback told OMGG.com. “Fans will turn on you as soon as you start sucking like they did me.”

Lo and behold, when Denver Broncos General Manager Brian Xanders heard there was a religious, popular new athlete on the scene, he immediately signed him to a one-year contract.

“He doesn’t have any football experience, but he’ll sell a lot of jerseys,” said Xanders. “And let’s be honest, he gives us just as good a chance to win football games as Tim.”