OMGG

Wyclef Jean was shot in the hand yesterday, in what police are calling, “a clear attempt to get him to stop writing terrible music.”

The shooting occurred in Jean’s homeland of Haiti, and police quickly apprehended the suspect.  After a brief interrogation, the man’s motive became clear.

“This was no assassination plot,” said Port-au-Prince Police Chief Mario Andresol.  “The guy just hated Wyclef’s blasé, commercialized reggae.”

Mark Wahlberg became agitated recently when an OMdoubleG interviewer asked him if he thought The Fighter was just a Rocky re-tread.

“That’s absurd,” barked the 39-year-old Marky Mark. “One is about a small-time fighter who gets a title shot, and the other is about a little-known boxer who fights for a championship.”

Wahlberg went on to reveal that The Fighter 2 is currently in production and will feature an epic battle between his character, Micky Ward and Arturo Gatti – played by Carl Weathers.

Chris Brown flew to Washington D.C. yesterday to promote his new album F.A.M.E. — which hits stores next week.

The R&B singer, famous for his hip-hop dancing and ability to beat up Rihanna, was asked by reporters about the nude self-portraits he put on the Internet.

“I was just trying to improve my image,” explained the 21-year-old Michael Jackson wannabe. “I feel like once people start gossiping about how small my penis is, they’ll forget about that whole domestic abuse thing.”

On Tuesday, Ke$ha was photographed by paparazzi on an Australian beach wearing what some fashion designers are calling “the least-flattering bathing suit ever.”

The bikini’s bottoms, described as ‘high-waisted granny panties engulfed in a tuna net’, didn’t do the star’s boxy figure any favors.

But pop superstar Lady Gaga defended her colleague last night via Twitter: “Loved Ke$ha’s bikini. I’d wear the same thing if I were a fatty.”

Running back Adrian Peterson raised a few eyebrows this week when he compared the current NFL lockout to slavery.

Peterson, who makes a paltry $19 million a year in salary and endorsements, has been getting a lot of support from his peers.

ESPN Analyst Bob Merrick says the NFL needs to make things right.  “While it may seem like these players make a lot, it’s not like they get free health care or pensions.”

When informed that players actually get both, Merrick retracted his statement and called the Vikings star a “greedy prick.”