With Profits Up, Apple No Longer Worried About Being PC

Apple has decided to drop out of an environmental certification program for electronics, essentially flipping Mother Nature the bird.

“Using aluminum components was costing the company an extra 12 cents per laptop,” explained financial analyst Roger Myers. “That’s why the retina displays in their new computers are made from the bones of baby seals.”

The technology giant has become increasingly less environmentally friendly since the passing of former CEO Steve Jobs.

“All the hippies complaining about our new policies can’t afford a $2500 MacBook Pro anyway,” said Apple Senior Vice President William Forsythe. “And let’s be honest…everyone knows recycling is for pussies!”