Is Hef Getting HOE-sed?

Crystal Harris recently told Howard Stern that her ex-fiancée Hugh Hefner only lasts two seconds in bed.

“She just said that because she doesn’t want me to move on,“ insists the senile 84-year-old.  “When we were together, she’d always do the cutest things, like call me ‘sugar tush’ and repeatedly ask for the combination to my floor safe.”

Hef allegedly wants Crystal back, but his friends are begging him to cut ties with the 25-year old former-Playmate.

Harris, whose Centerfold Bio listed Anna Nicole Smith and the Menendez Brothers amongst her heroes, says maybe she will give the Playboy founder another shot.

“After all, marriage is really only ‘til death do you part, right?” asked a winking Harris.