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By Louie Binkleman, OMGG.com Senior Editorial Staff

Is it just me, or have the leading ladies from the American Pie franchise gone from “hot gang” to “wouldn’t bang”?

The new theatrical trailer for American Reunion was released yesterday, and the whole crew is back. Unfortunately, the formerly-hot high school hornballs are well into their 60s, and bad plastic surgery, years of hard partying and gravity have taken their toll on the ladies.

Here’s a breakdown of what I saw in the trailer:

Alyson Hannigan: So pale she’d get sunburnt in front of the TV.

Tara Reid: Her boob job is so bad, even her bra has stretch marks.

Mena Suvari: Tyra Banks called…she wants her forehead back.

Shannon Elizabeth: Still amazingly hot.

For those curious to see the grey-haired gang back together again, American Pie: Reunion is due in theaters on April 6, 2012, which just so happens to be Suvari’s 67th birthday.