OMGG

Unsigned running back Tiki Barber said he’s not worried that the NFL season officially starts tomorrow — he’s expecting his phone to ring any moment with a plethora of contract offers.

Barber is so confident he’ll be in demand that he quit his NBC correspondent job so he’d be available for his pigskin comeback.

“I know exactly what I’m doing,” insisted the 36-year-old former Giants running back. “Teams pretend you’re too old to play all preseason, and then a bidding war breaks out for your services the hour before kickoff…I’ve seen it a million times.”

“There has literally been zero interest,” Marcus Hswe, Barber’s agent, admitted. “Even Dancing With the Stars told me his knees weren’t stable enough for their show.”

Animal activists are outraged at Steven Seagal for killing two chickens during a raid to break up a cockfighting ring for his reality show, Steven Seagal: Lawman.

OMGG has learned that the ponytailed, direct-to-DVD star had ulterior motives, and the birdy blood bath could’ve been prevented.

“Mr. Seagal believed those chickens were part of a terrorist organization intent on releasing a bioweapon that would destroy mankind,” said close friend Dean Muelfeld.

This isn’t the first time the tanned, tubby martial artist has confused reality with one of his terrible films from the 90s.

In 2006, he was arrested for pummeling comedic actor Andy Dick, who he believed to be a corrupt oil executive plotting to kill the president.

The people of Great Britain are said to be outraged upon learning that Pippa Middleton received a parking ticket over the weekend.

“If I could pay the fine myself I would in a heartbeat,” unemployed royal enthusiast Jayne Elliot weeped. “What is this country coming to when we treat our most important people like ordinary filth?”

Middleton’s $65,000 BMW was parked outside a pricey London bistro with two wheels on the sidewalk, blocking a handicapped spot — but British Parking Association President Harry Gout says that shouldn’t matter.

“Pippa is the most stylish member of the extended royal family,” said the BPA chief.  “I give her my word that the lowly meter maid who ticketed her fabulous vehicle has been sacked.”

Putsch Racing, maker of the world’s only turbine-powered Bat Vehicle, recently sold a replica of the 1989 Batmobile that was used in the first Batman film on eBay for $620,000.

“Greatest investment I ever made,” said Bat-nerd Kyle Raffel, who purchased the car after selling his Brooklyn home and moving back in with his mother.

Rihanna ruffled PETA’s feathers by wearing this top to the London launch of her new fragrance. So we’ve got to ask – was she able to pull off this feathery fashion statement, or does it look better on the bird?